Love as a Stress Response, Not a Feeling

Early stage love is not just a warm emotion. Neuroscience shows it activates the brain’s stress system. When someone falls in love, dopamine increases to drive attraction and focus, but cortisol also rises. Cortisol is the body’s main stress hormone, released when the brain detects uncertainty or threat. This is why early love can feel intense, restless, and hard to control.

Brain imaging studies show that early romantic attraction activates areas linked to motivation, vigilance, and reward. The brain becomes highly alert to the other person’s presence, absence, and reactions. This heightened state explains why love can feel obsessive or anxiety-provoking rather than soothing. The brain is not calm yet. It is trying to secure connection and reduce uncertainty.

As relationships become stable, cortisol levels usually decrease and oxytocin becomes more dominant. Oxytocin supports bonding, trust, and emotional safety, shifting the nervous system toward regulation. This is when love feels calming rather than consuming. From a neuroscience perspective, love often begins as a stress response and only becomes peaceful once the brain feels secure.