"The Double Standard"

Fiction vs Reality: The Selective Lens of Abuse

Recognising abuse in fiction is easy—but acknowledging it in our own homes, relationships, or communities is much harder. The juxtaposition of outrage at a TV show with silence in a real-life abusive relationship speaks to a global pattern of selective awareness, internalised fear, and social conditioning that normalises abuse under the guise of privacy or tradition.

Legal Gaps and Barriers to Justice

Legally, domestic violence is criminalised in many countries, yet its recognition and enforcement remain inconsistent. Emotional and verbal abuse, the kind often shown on screen and dismissed in real life, is not criminalised in many jurisdictions. Even where laws exist—such as the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 (UK) or laws in Sweden, Canada, and Australia that acknowledge coercive control—victims still face barriers to reporting. Fear of stigma, retaliation, losing children, or being economically stranded prevents many from taking action.

Criminological Perspectives: Denial as Survival

From a criminological lens, denial and compartmentalisation are mechanisms people use to survive. A woman may condemn abuse on TV because it feels safely distant—yet be unable to name her own experience as abuse, especially when the perpetrator is someone she loves or depends on. This paradox may or may not be hypocrisy—in many cases, it is a survival tactic born from fear, trauma, or social conditioning. Victims often minimise or rationalise the violence they endure to preserve their emotional stability or maintain family roles.

The Psychological Disconnect

Psychologically, cognitive dissonance plays a large role in this disconnect. When someone’s experience clashes with their beliefs—like believing abuse is wrong but staying with an abusive partner—they often suppress or distort their perception to cope. Add to this the effects of trauma bonding, gaslighting, and learned helplessness, and the line between what is “normal” and what is “abusive” becomes increasingly blurred. This leads many victims to only recognise abuse when it’s happening to someone else.

Mental Health and the Cost of Silence

From a mental health perspective, internalised shame, fear of judgment, and chronic stress take a devastating toll. Victims may develop anxiety, depression, PTSD, or dissociation, yet still avoid labelling their experience as abuse. The silence becomes a coping mechanism. Society must shift from passive entertainment-based empathy to active compassion, awareness, and education. As your post reminds us: abuse is not always loud—it is often hidden in plain sight, disguised by silence and routine.