How Families Enable Abuse

Normalising Abuse

When families excuse an abuser’s behaviour as “that’s just how they are,” it sets a dangerous precedent. This normalisation minimises harm and conditions victims to believe that abuse is part of everyday life. Psychologically, it distorts boundaries, leaving survivors uncertain about what is acceptable behaviour.

Fear of Conflict

Many families avoid addressing abuse to keep “peace” or avoid “drama.” However, criminology shows that silence is complicity: abuse thrives when unchecked. From a mental health perspective, this silence traps victims in cycles of anxiety and self-blame, as they feel their suffering is less important than family harmony.

Protecting the Abuser

Excuses such as “they’re stressed” or “they provide for us” shift sympathy towards the abuser. This behaviour mirrors patterns seen in domestic violence cases worldwide, where economic or emotional dependency creates a barrier to accountability. Global laws, like the Istanbul Convention, stress the need to protect victims regardless of an abuser’s role as provider.

Family Secrets

The instruction to “not talk about it” perpetuates secrecy across generations. Criminologists describe this as the cycle of silence, where abuse is hidden rather than addressed, increasing the risk of repetition. This secrecy also undermines reporting mechanisms that international child protection laws, such as the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, are designed to uphold.

Complicity in Silence

When family members witness abuse but stay quiet, they reinforce the abuser’s power. This complicity damages the victim’s trust, as they see bystanders prioritising neutrality over justice. Psychology research highlights that such silence creates secondary victimisation, where the lack of defence feels as painful as the abuse itself.

Victim-Blaming

Blaming victims—such as saying “the child deserved it”—turns responsibility upside down. In criminology, this is known as neutralisation, a tactic used to justify harmful acts. From a mental health perspective, victim-blaming worsens trauma, fuelling feelings of guilt, shame, and unworthiness, which can lead to long-term depression and PTSD.

Traumatising the Young

Allowing children or younger relatives to witness abuse leaves deep scars. Studies show that exposure to violence can alter brain development, increase aggression, and heighten the risk of repeating abusive cycles in adulthood. Child welfare laws worldwide stress the duty to protect minors not only from direct abuse but also from exposure to violence.

Failure to Confront

Not telling the abuser to stop or acknowledging that their actions are harmful sends a message of tolerance. In criminology, this reflects a breakdown of accountability structures. By refusing confrontation, families indirectly sanction abusive behaviour, making intervention by outside systems—like courts or social services—far more difficult.

Minimising Trauma

When survivors are told “it’s not that bad,” their experiences are invalidated. Psychology shows that minimisation compounds trauma by silencing emotions and eroding trust. Legally, many jurisdictions recognise emotional abuse as a form of harm precisely because words can diminish a survivor’s reality as profoundly as physical acts.

Denying Reality

Pretending abuse never happened traps survivors in silence. For children, this denial can teach that abuse is normal and must be endured. Criminological research links denial with intergenerational trauma, where harm is replicated because it was never acknowledged. Human rights frameworks emphasise truth-telling and recognition as essential steps in justice and healing.

Why This Matters Globally

Family-enabled abuse is not limited to any culture or country. The World Health Organization estimates that one in four children worldwide experiences physical abuse, with many cases hidden by family silence. Without collective recognition, legal protections remain underused and victims remain unprotected.

Mental Health Consequences

The psychological cost of family-enabled abuse is profound. Survivors often develop complex trauma, trust issues, and difficulty forming healthy relationships. When families deny, excuse, or minimise abuse, they strip survivors of the validation necessary for recovery.

Breaking the Cycle

Families must play an active role in stopping abuse, not concealing it. Confronting harmful behaviour, supporting victims, and speaking openly about violence are vital steps. From a criminological view, breaking the cycle requires dismantling the structures of silence and complicity that shield abusers.

The Role of Law and Society

Laws worldwide—from child protection statutes to domestic violence frameworks—place responsibility on communities and families to safeguard individuals. But laws alone cannot change culture. Societal attitudes must shift so that enabling abuse is no longer seen as “keeping peace” but as a harmful act in itself.

A Call for Courage

Ending family-enabled abuse requires courage. It means choosing justice over comfort, empathy over silence, and truth over denial. Survivors deserve to be defended, believed, and supported—not silenced by the very people meant to protect them.