"Scroll and Judge"

Digital Outrage, Real-Life Disconnect

In an age where abuse is increasingly documented and shared on social media by survivors themselves, public reactions often swing between outrage and judgement. Comments like “Why didn’t they report it?” or “Why would they stay with someone like that?” are common—but rarely rooted in an understanding of trauma, fear, or legal barriers. Globally, domestic abuse laws vary drastically in protection, accessibility, and enforcement. In some countries, such as the UK and Canada, coercive control is recognised as a crime, while in others, victims face legal, cultural, or financial obstacles that make leaving an abusive relationship nearly impossible.

Criminology and the Silent Enablers

From a criminological perspective, bystander behaviour, victim-blaming, and societal denial contribute to the cycle of abuse. When the justice system or community stigmatises victims—especially women, children, LGBTQ+ individuals, or marginalised people—reporting becomes a risk, not a refuge. Victims may fear losing custody of children, being disbelieved by police, or being further isolated. In many regions, women are even killed after they report abuse. The disconnect between what people preach publicly and what they tolerate privately reveals a dangerous gap between law and lived reality.

Why Victims Don’t “Just Leave”

Psychologically, trauma bonding, learned helplessness, and emotional dependency are often misunderstood. Victims may not leave because they are mentally and emotionally conditioned to believe that abuse is their fault or that they have no safe alternative. The nervous system of a traumatised person may normalise chaos and suppress self-protection. As a result, some victims appear calm, functional, or even loyal to their abusers—which further fuels public scepticism.

Mental Health and Internalised Shame

From a mental health lens, the shame of being abused—especially when judged by others—can lead to depression, PTSD, complex trauma (C-PTSD), anxiety, and dissociation. Many survivors internalise society’s judgement and remain silent to preserve their reputation or to avoid bringing shame upon their family. Public condemnation of abuse must come with equal compassion and support for survivors, not conditional sympathy based on how they respond.

Judgement Doesn’t Save Lives. Compassion Might.

Ultimately, the fight against domestic abuse is not won by shouting from the sidelines. It requires a systemic, trauma-informed, and legally conscious approach that bridges social media awareness with real-world empathy. Laws must evolve, but so must our understanding. Judgement will not protect victims. Compassion might.